Sometimes life just happens to everything you have planned and makes it all look meaningless. No matter how much you have worked, saved, studied, tried, fought, and fixed, somehow none of that would be enough. You would not succeed, even though you might come close. Maybe it is your end-semester exams or an interview for your dream position.
Something just did not add up and you did not get a second chance to prove yourself.
When you have a plan you feel comfortable. You feel that you are in control and organized. But the moment things don’t go how you planned, you start feeling out of control. And that does not feel good. Being not in control is disorienting. It is uncomfortable. But you will have to understand that failure is okay. They are just a part of the journey. But you don’t want to hear that right now, do you?
You want to know what you do when no matter what you do, or how much you try, things just don’t go the way you planned.
Take a breather
Pause. Take a break. The world is not going to end nor are you. This was not life or death. Take a walk. Clear your head. Take a deep breath. Sit back. Now is not the time to act. Now is the time to think. So, relax. Look at the silver lining. You can not do anything about things that are outside of your control. So, turn your anger, resentment, or jealousy into a motivating force instead of having them hold you down. Sometimes the unexpected can lead to a pleasant surprise.
Understand what to do next
Reaction is a reflex action for humans. If anything happens, the first thing that comes to our mind is to react. It does not even require us to consciously think about it. It just happens.
On the other hand, there is responding. Responses are thought about. They are planned. They are motivated. And this is what you should do, even though you would want with all your heart to react. Worse things happen to good people when they react. Because the bad has already happened and you have to get better from there, alright?
Take some time
What went wrong? Take your time and think about that. Perfection is not equal to accomplishment. It is important to know what went wrong in your plan. It does not mean playing put-the-blame. It is neither your fault nor anyone else’s. Walk through the moments that led up to the problem and try to understand the reason. Now, you have something to work upon. Something you would be ready for if it happens again. Learn to make the mistakes of the past to be the bridges for better choices in the future.
The best response
There are always options. If you did not do well in your exams, there might be something in place to let you take the exam again. Or if not, then you know what did not go well this time. Use that knowledge to prepare for the next one.
If you did not get the position you always wanted to have. Ask for feedback. Ask for what you can change. What were the gaps in your candidature? There is always a problem. And there is always a solution to that. Once you find both of these things, you will be well-equipped to face the next interview.
Learn to take a loss
If the cause is lost, stop fighting. Learn to let things go. If the love of your life moved on, then just take it as a lost cause and let it go. The same goes for jobs and other things in life. If there is nothing to fight for, don’t. Always remember that your job is to solve problems. Life has a thousand issues and you can not hold onto all of them. So, learn to let it go.
Adversities are normal. They hit you. It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what you are, when they come, they come. Bad things happen to the best of people. You can not control it. No one can. You can not prevent it. The only thing you can do is rise up from that and face whatever the problem is. The only thing in your control is how you respond to it. This response is what makes all the difference.
It is only normal to find it not easy to just let it go or to obsess over how and what things could have been. It is okay to regret. It is okay to feel sad and cry. It is okay to feel angry. But it is not okay to make what you feel an obsession. Give yourself a pass. Forgive yourself. You are just human. Learn from this experience and move on. And if you have difficulties in doing so, seek out help and support from others.