How to deal with rejection?

Here’s a scientific fact: rejection sucks. Researchers at the University of Michigan published a study in 2011 that stated ‘experience of social rejection when elicited powerfully enough, recruit brain regions involved in both the affective and sensory components of physical pains.’ In short, rejection hurts as much as, say breaking a bone.

Evolutionary psychology tries to explain why human beings take rejection so deeply through human history. In the hunting-gathering days, rejection from one’s tribe doomed oneself to either death or become self-sufficient in the wilderness. This associated rejection with a whole plethora of painful and unpleasant emotions.

As for the people hunting for jobs, regular rejections can make them prone to anxiety, jealousy, loneliness, low self-esteem, and even depression. One has to be constantly on the lookout. Apply at a gazillion places, and still, if there is no positive result, then that hurts. This article is to help you recover from this hurt and forge ahead for better opportunities.

Ways to deal with rejection in job applications

1. Use it as a stepping stone

Your efforts did not go to waste, even though it might look like it. You worked really hard for the job and that counts for something. There is always something you can get out of rejection. For example, you can reach out to your recruiters and get their feedback on what you did well and what you need to improve in your application. Sometimes, all you need is to channel your disappointment and pain into doing something constructive, and preparing to be better might just be it.

2. Build a thicker skin

You do not want to hear what you already know. But seriously, this is not the last time someone else gets something that you believed you deserved. And you did, it’s just not your day. But still, to have this sting less, you must make your skin a little thicker to be able to cope with rejection in future. To do that, you can dive inside yourself through meditation and light exercise, and develop a network of trustworthy friends who have your back when you need it.

3. Take the rejection with a pinch of salt

If you start wallowing in self-pity after one rejection, then you might ruin your other chances. It is okay to feel hurt over your loss, but the best way to handle rejection is to wipe your tears and look forward. Take your rejection with dignity. It burns, but you don’t need to waste your future opportunities for it. Sometimes, fake it until you make it works. It is okay to be sad, disappointed, and even angry, but there is always an appropriate time and place to express these emotions. Take your rejection professionally and respond to it, instead of reacting.

4. Accept yourself 

In his book Feeling Good, psychologist David Burns advises that one must be careful of their ‘conditional self-esteem’, that is, the belief that their self-worth is dependent on external factors. The truth is: it’s not. One must instead practice radical self-acceptance to cultivate a sense of unconditional love for oneself. You are not your accomplishments in your career, nor your failures in your love life. You are a capable human being, and nothing anybody can say or do to change that.

5. Express your emotions

Express your disappointment, sadness, anger, whatever you feel. Living in denial won’t help you achieve anything. The best way to get you out from feeling these emotions is to let them out. You can cry, feel at loss, or express your anger, but in a very healthy way. Allow yourself to experience these emotions in a controlled and healthy fashion, and as Carl Jung says, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”, let those emotions go and take a step forward.

6. Talk

Rejection might make you feel alone and even make you push people away. Loss is always overwhelming, but please, just talk. If you think you don’t have a friend circle where you might be comfortable talking about these things, reach out for professional guidance. Either build or find a safe space and give words to your frustration.

Moving forward

Rejection is inevitable. Sooner or later, it will happen to everyone, and when it does it will leave you broken and hurt, no matter what you do. But these feelings don’t control your life and you should remember that. One rejection, or a hundred, doesn’t define your future, and instead of losing your dreams over it, take them in a stride. Allow yourself to experience your pain but do not let go of what you want to become. Learn from your hurt, adopt, adapt, and change yourself for the better. There are always bigger and better fishes in the sea, all you need is to take a deep breath and focus onward.